


Life without you (is quite nice)

by Augasta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Draco deserves better obviously but I like to make him suffer, Draco is polite and snarky, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Please read it and give Draco a hug, Post-Break Up, the best combination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:21:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28004586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Augasta/pseuds/Augasta
Summary: Harry left him.As simple as that.It must have been quite easy.For he didn't have to deal with the backlash.Basically Harry is a dick and Draco as to cope with a lot of feelings.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	Life without you (is quite nice)

It wasn't supposed to end like this.

He wasn't supposed to wake up left behind in an empty and cold bed. The sheets tangled with him and him alone, the other side almost tidy in comparison.

He had to swollow a sob. Because he knew it would happen. He knew, he would leave eventually, find a new flame to watch, a new person to fuck. Draco doesn't feel like he's been anything but a person Harry met out of convenience, someone he used to feel better about himself. He feels dirty, uncomfortable with his own skin.

He wasn't prepared for the loneliness, the bitterness and the _hurt_. He had always prided himself to be unattached, aloof and passionless about his partners, his lovers. Whether they left him first or he left them, he would carry on with his life, unaffected.

But Harry has been different. He had this thing, this _fire_ in him, that made Draco feel alive. He was looking forward to their meetings, to their fucks and (dare he say it) dates. He felt his chest warming and his face twitching with smiles, he wasn't comfortable sharing with Harry yet. But Harry saw them nonetheless, squeezed his hand in return and it was doing all kinds of things to Draco. 

But the warm feeling and the pure happiness left with Harry that morning. The cold, stabbing betrayal clamped down his breath, settles in his stomach and he fet a new slash on his heart. It was deeper than every slash before and it would take longer to heal. It might never. It will definitely leave a scar.

Draco didn't leave his bed that day. He watched the side of Harry, willing it to become warm again. But it laid empty and unresponsive.

He wouldn't allow himself to cry. It was obviously his fault to feel so attached to someone, who treated him like a mere passing fling. He must have interpreted the signs wrong. The long talks after they fucked must have been courtesy and the invitations every Saturday must have been Harry's manners. Maybe he did that with all his casual fuck partners, not only with Draco. Maybe he treated them all like they deserved the world and dropped them like a hot potato. It was entirely possible that Harry Potter was this kind of casual lover.

But Draco was not.

Those meetings have been dates.

The long talks have been the basis of their relationship.

The sex was more than just casual.

Draco wouldn't, no _could'nt_ admit, that their relationship was in fact not a relationship.

And that made Harry's absence even worse.

Apparently he had left without telling anybody anything. Granger had been appalled when she found out, that Harry went away. Weasley threatened/promised to hunt him down and Draco appreciated, that they wanted to side with him.

But he knew better.

Because just two months later, Granger started to avoid him, answering curtly and almost rude until it was uncomfortable to speak with her. Ron also obviously changed his ways and canceled every chess match for the next four months. Work, he called it. Draco preferred _coward_. 

Harry took two of his friends. If not for the breakup (because let's face it, that's what it was), then Draco resented him for that.

He was admittedly curious how he'd done it and if he asked the right questions, he might even get an answer, but he was upset. With Harry, Granger and Weasley. 

He severed the contact to them all together.

Living in Britain, after dating the hero of the wizarding world was hard. Draco couldn't hope to walk through Diagon Alley and _not_ hear Harry's name twice. In various settings and subjects. Just yesterday three young witches gushed about his manly beard, his green eyes and dreamy smile and Draco was ready to vomit. Just the name made him uneasy.

His friends (the real ones) observed his change of behavior with worry. Draco wasn't a very outgoing person, he preferred private settings and conversation over a nice cup of tea or dinner with wine to the Leakey, but now he was basically a hermit. He refused to set foot outside the Manor and no threats, dares or magic could convince him otherwise. They were forced to visit him at home if they wished to see him. And without their insistence, Draco might have lost his mind.

He punished himself for his weakness. A simple breakup brought him to the edge of madness? Him? Draco Malfoy? 

He could no longer deny it. He was done for.

Harry's abode remained unknown. The Prophet tried and failed to pin him down. Draco considered hiring a private investigator, but Pansy talked him out of it. Yes, he deserved an explanation. No, he was in no state to hear it. She promised him to look out for Harry while she traveled however and Draco was grateful. It calmed his mind for a bit.

Healing the slash took a lot of time. For the first five months, Draco was utterly useless. The sixth month was littered in screaming matches with his friends and distructive behavior. He thanked God for his house elves or he would have no dishes to eat of. After he got over his self pity and anger, he was just sad. Wondered, why he wasn't good enough, what prompted Harry to leave, if it was something that he did. Pansy advised him a mind healer. Draco thought, it was bullshit.

He took that offer after the tenth month. 

Talking to someone, who was unbiased, was refreshing to say at least. It irked him, that the healer wouldn't agree with him on certain things (like his coping mechanisms), but some opinions made more sense than those he came up with and he left the office more times relieved than not. 

He started going out after four months of therapy. 

He stopped flinching, when witches or wizards talked about Harry. 

He could even converse about him, without any special feeling other than distant fondness and melancholy. 

Pansy said, that she was proud of him.

The mind healer said, it was good to feel good about progress. That he should remember this feeling, as proof how far he came.

And after a year and a half, he was no longer in ruins. 

That was the time Harry choose to come back. Somehow he escaped the Prophet and Draco was confronted with him while shopping for Pansy's birthday.

There he stood, wiping his sweaty hands on his trousers awkwardly, a habit he had when he was nervous. Draco simply watched him, not gracing him with any kind of acknowledgment and Harry hunched his shoulders, clearly uncomfortable.

"Hello, Draco," he said at least and Draco couldn't help but lift an eyebrow in silent wonder. 

"Greetings Potter," he answered and then turned, intent on getting that one bottle of wine Pansy adored. His plan was stopped by a hand on his arm. Interesting. Harry seemed to have no inhibitions touching him whatsoever.

"Yes?" he asked, tone neutral. Harry frowned. He didn't seem to like the indifference. 

"Are you alright?" he asked, because of course Draco had to be sick if he was polite.

"Quite fine, thank you for asking. You are well, I hope?" he responded, and Harry's frown went deeper. 

"Yes," he said and was silent after that. Draco waited a moment, but when it became clear, that Harry didn't plan to add something, he nodded.

"Have a good day, Potter," he announced, removed Harry's hand and once again turned to leave. This time the grip was more insistent. 

"What, Potter? I'm quite busy, you know," he couldn't keep the annoyance out of his voice and Harry scowled.

"Is that all the reaction I get?" Draco looked back at him, puzzled.

"I'm sorry, is my politeness unsatisfactory?" 

"I expected you to yell at me," he uttered and Draco allowed himself to briefly laugh.

"Rest assured Potter, you can expect _nothing_ but civility from me," he stressed the word nothing and seemed to get his point across. Harry took his hand back like he was burned. 

"You are nothing like Hermione said you were," Harry mumbled and Draco felt the resentment creeping in his lungs.

"Yes, well, Granger has not spoken to me since last year, so her information might be outdated," he sneered. God, that felt good. The mind healer said that he should voice his anger to those, who inflicted it and Draco was inclined to believe him now. It was nothing but truth and talking with others like it was not _hurt_. 

Harry recoiled and the shock on his face satisfied Draco greatly.

"She didn't tell me that," he whispered and Draco almost pitied him. 

"Yes, I imagine not. She would have to tell you, why we aren't close anymore and that story wouldn't paint her in a very good light," he affirmed, holding Harry's gaze. Just a year ago he would have given anything to have Harry look at him again. 

But now he couldn't care less.

"Why aren't you?" Harry asked and it's the first time Draco lets his face morph into something hostile.

"Ask your friend. I have no business with her, Weasley or you. Kindly leave me be," he snarled and Harry almost looked sad. Draco refused to feel responsible. The man bought this fate onto himself. He had to live with it. 

He nodded at Harry on last time and went to the wine section, not bothering to give him a second glance.

However, Harry caught up with him once he left the store.

"Draco, wait!" he yelled and Draco closed his eyes, willing his annoyance down.

"CometotheLeakeywithme," he rumbled and Draco lifted a eyebrow in response.

"Pardon?" 

"Come to the Leakey with me," he repeated and Draco briefly wondered if he hit his head on the way here.

"Why would I do that?" he opted asking instead.

"I... I would like to talk to you... About last year and... everything really," he stated with such confidence, that Draco almost indulged him.

However, he had a long year thinking about what he wants. And what he deserves.

"No," he said and Harry looked surprised.

"Why not?" he asked bravely, the same bravery Draco used to admire.

"Because you're bad for me. And I don't spent time on things, that aren't good for me," he declared and Harry looked a minute away from cardiac arrest. 

"You lost your chance a year ago. You shouldn't expect any niceties from me, Potter," he added confidently and Harry looked utterly dejected.

"Have a nice life."


End file.
